quick blurb

well, i've written a lot over the last little while but have been asked not to post anything and a lot of it is un-organized thought spewing out on the screen so not appropriate anyway.

all i have to say is i'm def having a ruff go with all that's happening in my life right now. one primary thing in general......but if you've ready any of the previous posts you already know what that is. there are so many things that i want to be different and am willing to do anything to help make those things different and even some things that i have changed already, so anyway....

last friday i met with someone from my past, well actually someone from my dad's past, his old mixed doubles tennis partner. she remembered me as the little guy that would always be at the tennis club or at some tournament watching..was funny. she didn't recognize me but i could tell she was happy to see me and listen and chat with me. the things we talked about were difficult to discuss, but she was very kind and courteous to listen and provide suggestions and guidance and so on. also nice to have talks like this with someone you know but is unbiased with things presented. i feel a little bit better after talking with her....and believe me we talked...2hrs. thanks cv and i want to continue to sort through things with you. the pad of paper has been helping, i think. i feel that some of my thoughts are a bit more organized and my mind's not just racing around trying to put all the pieces together at a 1million miles per hour.

I've written a lot and maybe someday i'll post some of the stuff but for now, it's just for me...i can think of a couple i would share with, but they would have to ask, well they would actually just have to say the word...

I've been lucky to spend some good time catching up with friends that i've fallen out of touch with. so good to see george, jennie and chris..and over tasty food at the crown, thanks again george. sat down with motta after i ran into her at the grocery store, been a while, sorry you had to put orbit(cat) to sleep. leah it's been a while, it shouldn't have been...know we both got busy but well.....glad you and mike are doing well. re-connected with eric b, arthur t, friends from bakersfield, couple classmates... it's been nice and i'm ashamed of myself for not being better at keeping people closer to me. thanks everyone for listening to me, giving advice and helping me try to sort through all that's been running through my mind. you have no idea how much it means to me to have you as friends in my life that are willing to listen to anything and then offer up good constructive advice.thanks. thanks to the crew at work for putting up with me staying so distant from all the hustle and bustle of the days.

over the next couple nights i have 2 meetings lined up with people to discuss something that i was asked to explore on my own. i don't really know what questions i have to ask, just more looking for guidance and insight. i will continue to keep an open mind about all i learn and will apply myself to see if things are fitting for me (sorry i know that makes absolutely zero sense to most, if you really want to know feel free to ask) and sorry again this is something i'm not ashamed of but want to do everything in my power to keep an open mind and may get a hard time from some if i share what it has to do with....sean i'm sure you know as you went through something very similar. and i know all of my fiends would be supportive but just need to sort through this topic on my own. one thing i will say is that i'm fairly ignorant on the topic other than what influence i have had from family and friends, growing up and some parts of books i've read...yup still impossible to figure unless you know..sorry..i'll post later after i've learned more.

ok, gotta get back to analyzing the last practice exam i took...and finishing up chores for the day.

thanks again everyone...