funny, but sad really

so......a somewhat interesting thing happened to me, well not really to me but involving me the other MORNING:

what i think happened:  i was at work, my schedule has changed and there's lots going on so it changes every other day..anyway back to the point....i was at work late, really late doing inventory and unpacking/sorting new items.  someone that i've been on the fence about spending time with decided it was appropriate to pay a un-announced visit early a morning this week, and by early i mean midnight.....so i wasn't home, but get info from neighbors that she was hooting and hollering and banging on the door....i also received text messages from her demanding to be let in.....  the next day i call her out on it and she plays the "crazy girlfriend" card..  well lets get something straight, no way in hades are you my girlfriend, nor is your crazy rear end even considerable for gf material...esp after a stupid stunt like that.  so what happens next, well i dismissed her, wish her the best and hope to never hear from her again...  now i have done something similar, but cause a scene where neighbors are awoken, not my deal...  oh and she's lucky none of my neighbors (3 that told me what went down) called jonny law as they all have my expressed request to do so as weird things have happened before.  i know first hand that emotions can take over and impair judgement, but really....anyway enough.

on happier end:

have 1 of the planter boxes planted, yard is lookin good, turning on sprinklers today..  been having a good time with new and old friends... been riding a little bit, the snake is still alive but doesn't seem to eat all that often..think that's about it.

my first rmr of the season

what a brutal intro to the 2012 race season for me......i enjoyed seeing friends and catching up, but getting my rear end handed to me during the race was painful........oh well what can one expect after being un-focused on riding..oh well, time to race myself into shape, again.

the race started with a tribute to matt bradley with a one legged one lap race, it was a great tribute and a very difficult task to do 1 lap, so difficult that many were not able to complete it.  also many of the racers crossing the finish line of the actual race pedaled across with one leg...quite a tribute.

sad news

this morning i received a text message from a friend telling me that a local cyclist had passed away.  matt bradley was a great guy who was well know in the cycling community and he will be missed.  he gave up a lower leg to cancer and continued to race, ride and have a positive outlook on life.  i enjoyed chatting to him before, after and during races, i also liked seeing him and hearing him announce at the utcx races.  he will be missed.

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/deseretnews/obituary.aspx?n=matthew-wade-bradley&pid=156632962

this pic has no relation to the title or reason for this post, just liked it and well here it is:

pretty good day

there's not many birthday's in my recent past that have been as nice as today's...well a few days ago now.  here's how it shook out:
woke up and made coffee, had some cereal
got ski gear on
went cat skiing for 8 hours with the crew from work, had good guides(les and nikki) good lunch, snacks, wiskey, beer, company, snow....great day skiing.
back to condo, passed out
up for dinner, good fish burger thing
back at condo time for bed, more cat skiing to come....2 more days.....awesome.

day 2 was a ride out in the cat, beacon drill, breakable crust ski down, cat ride back, snow mobile for 1/2 the day, what a blast.....my hands were blistered!  got to see fogel crash into a tree, break a windshield and wine like a bube..

day 3 skied the resort a little, dust on groomers...then piled in van and drove home....

couldn't resist posting this one:

from uda

needed some humor

 only a cyclist would get it

 from fogerty...nice

came across this someplace

yup, it's coming 

no longer a link, figured out how to insert a vid.....still not funny, more super classy segment from a film:

shallow

so recently i was told some things, constructive criticism if you will...  one of the things i was told by two different people is that i am shallow...really?  i didn't know how to respond to that, well i did but it wouldn't have been nice if i had...so response for the record: response person 1: did you take any time to dig beneath the surface to actually see if there's more to me than what i show?  response to person 2: you can't handle your own emotions, how on earth do you think you can handle mine?

i think the reason behind this criticism is, well, the lack of self confidence on the commenters sides..now i could be up in the night, but really i'm not shallow, not one bit...maybe they were/are mistaking shallow for simple???  at this point in time i'm not going to ask.

anyway here's a funny pic mark sent me:

now not all of this applies to me, and to be specific i don't have a wife or pink tighties...and as for the last 2 pics i've done both...less dramatic in both instances though.

what else....i've been skiing a bit, been kinda nice even though there has been a definite lack of snow this season...the turns have been nice, there is soft stuff if your willing to look for it.

i finally switched up the cockpit on my sojurn

wtb drop flare -> specialized pro alum bar

bar end shifters & brake levers -> shimano sti's

brooks leather tape -> 2 layers of cork tape

feels so much better and i will be commuting on it now!  gotta get riding again...

that is all i have for the evening.....i could elaborate on life and what i'm truly doing on this friday evening but.....if you want to know drop a line.

this is quite appropriate.....

at this point in time i'm not going to elaborate.

endo.....and endo again......

well i'd have to say it's been a good day!  got up early and jason picked me up to go race state champs cross at ft bueneventura in "O-town" happy to say it wasn't as cold as it was in slc...nice to see the sun and even feel a little bit of warmth (only from the embrocation...)  my race group was small: mark, jared e and wes....jared had overeat to make the weight..haha but he was on the podium with a 3rd place finish.  the course was good and really suited my style...the wind made it hurt and so did the bottomless, front wheel eater, hole of sand just before going under the bridge..hence the endo and endo again....as i did 2x that i can recall.  the endo's almost cost the the race as mark was riding solid and every time i went over the bars he was within 10seconds of me....so it made it game on...bruce and matt b were super into it being a race....and it messed with me mentally.....i was able to hold it together and defend my state champ title!  i'll snag a pic and post as soon as ohran posts them...  it was a happy podium, there was a little la folie to be shared and that was fantastic as well..  i walked away with this:

 and upon arrival back to slc i promptly wend and picked up this trophy as a replacement:

jason's race didn't go quite as he expected as he endoed on the first lap and fought to catch the leaders, think he ended up 5th overall.....still a solid finish for him!  nice guy happy we've been carpooling and yuckin it up..

this is a pic i snapped on our drive home, look close this truck is crooked....promise this is not an optical illusion....this truck is just not right and i don't think the dread-locked hippie inside hand any clue....scarry.

as for the rest of the day, well my stands came in so i swung by work and picked them up, assembled them and now they reside in the garage...

and now, dinner, an old fashioned and then finish practice exam...my exciting life!

one of my professors raced today as well and during our convo back to the parking lot he told me about this pic of he and his wife from last weeks race in seattle, couldn't help but to look it up and share:

the tour

alright, so sean inquired as to why my blog posts seem to be so down as of late...well i don't know, but this is for dang sure gonna be a happy post.

here goes:
the weeks been a little ruff with monday and tuesday being longer than for my liking at work....but monday after work i attended a board meeting for a local even in hopes of becoming a member of said board.  As it turns being invited to this meeting automatically made me a member....awesome.  so said board is for the tour de brewtah, um yes if you aren't familiar with this event let me help you out.  yes the event does combine bicycle touring with adult beverage drinking.....but that's just what it is on the surface.  if you take the time to look a little deeper you will notice that the tour is put on to benefit local non-profit organizations...yes, believe it....the tour also supports/encourages local businesses.  here's a link to the tours current page (which is a blog), i'll post an updated link after laura gives it a serious makeover.  http://www.tourdebrewtah.org/  also their facebook fan page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Tour-de-Brewtah/134011066667546  ok so some background:  i've ridden in the tour the last 2 years, it's only been in existence 2 years.  i also volunteered both of those years.  first year helped with folks on the route, last year checked id's and passed out beverage tickets at uinta.  and nowd i'll be more behind the scenes making sure the tour goes smoothly for all of the participants....and a bunch of other fun stuff!  i'm excited......so excited that i couldn't really sleep monday night, kept waking up ideas and thoughts, was great.

so sean there you go a happy post!  also just because you inquired, it is possible to comment on my posts, you just have to login to do so.....so comment away.  fyi i did/do have the moderate comments selected so it may take a little bit before you see the comment show up....so i'm the only one who can post inappropriate things ;~)

what else......i'm currently sitting in front of the tv watching crazy, stupid, love.....funny stuff and yes i do realize that it's a romantic comedy and i'm watching it alone.....poke all the fun you want, but i also like no strings attached a lot....

think that's all i have for the moment, that may change.

struggles and life

it's commonly said that if it doesn't kill you it only makes you stronger....well nothing's killed me yet so i should be a freakin rock at this point.  well i'm not, i'm still an emotional, unfocused pisces....who longs for things that are ever so slightly out of my grasp.

raced cross yesterday, it was hands down one of the more epicly miserable races i've done.  it was at mt ogden golf course which is a course i don't love as there is this brutal hill...and to add to that it was a wet slippery mess.  the hill was ride-able but it was faster to walk it....so i half ran half walked...  first lap in clem went down in the ditch, then promptly put the hurt on me on that hill...oh well figured i had 2nd place locked up so i started to pick off racers in other groups that started before our group.  i crashed a few times, the muddy sections were quite tricky and so was the downhill off camber 180 covered in wet leaves....for the most part i held it together and finished up..  always nice having matt bradly calling your name out when you cruise by the start/finish each lap, kind of what keeps me going lap after lap, especially yesterday.  after the race i promptly went and got naked in the parking lot and put on dry clothes..  podium was how it typically shakes out when clem, mark and i are there..  clem1, me2 and mark3..  clem got a neat cowbell for winning, was kinda jealous but he's more fit than i am.  and i said to jason on our way home yesterday that i would rather get beat by a nice guy than an arrogant prick so i'm happy that clem's a nice guy.  robert was there before we started, he's out for the season as his back is giving him lots of troubles...nice guy and i hope he comes and watches and attends the end of season party.  the group that i race with has got to be the hands down winner of the nice guy group.....most are there for the right reasons: have a good time, loose some weight, get a workout....good group.  got back to town dropped jason off then hosed all the mud and gunk off my rig.  the mud was thick and was quite content staying attached...after that i got cleaned up and went to work, was nice being there without smelly home slice...i just settled in and got stuff done.  i also stopped by house of tibet on my way in and got cheese momo's, mmmmmm......and gato was there and gave me a cup of sweet tea, that hit the spot.  after work came home and got a couple things done around the house that i have been lagging on.  also rinsed off all my race gear in the kitchen sink and did dishes affterward:

the most appropriate thought that came to mind when i took a look at the sink after was: you know you have a cyclocross problem when.....  yes those are my shoes in the sink drying with the pots/pans....

i was pooped, so hopped in bed early, exciting saturday night i know, but whatever..

today i hope to get a lot of studying done, along with installing a new shifter on tony's bike, cleaning up the garage, doing a little blind switcharoo and....maybe if i'm lucky hanging with pumpkin...

with all my free time, haha, i've been burning movies from my hard drive to dvd's.  one of which is remember me (good movie) and i recalled a quote from it that i really like so i wanted to share:

"whatever you do in life will be insignificant but it's very important that you do it cause nobody else will...like when someone comes into your life and half of you says your no where near ready but the other half says make her yours forever"

and on that note i'm gonna hit the books....

got nothin

i've been wanting to write for a couple of days but not it seems like i've got nothin....

i guess i'll start with updates and see if that sparks anything else..

-took a practice exam, didn't go as well as i wanted but giving me some more active style studying to do

-ordered a couple things from that great invention of al gore (inter-net), kinda excited, will post some pics after they get installed

-have been racing cross, been hard (well i make it hard, have puked after every race this season).  think i have 1st overall locked up.  have also had some great folks cheering me on so thanks for all of that

-went and saw 50/50 with pumpkin, great movie, but prepared to be happy, sad, happy, sad.....the entire movie

-my late garden was a success, well on a limited expectation level....

     peas came up but never matured into anything

     lettuce was abundant and tasty

     spinach was so good

     kale, small amounts but really good

     bok choi, not a ton but pasang cooked it, was good

     arugula super spicy...mmm

     mustard greens small amount

     rosemary didn't happen

          excited to try new stuff early next spring.

-think it may be high time to take a trip someplace....open to suggestions on this one, was thinking san fran as i love it there or maybe south america someplace....

-i'm not excited for winter and the cold weather but i am kinda getting excited to make some turns

-getting closer to making the 30+ team happen, that will be nice, just hope we can play on a night that racing doesn't happen.

-have a meeting later this month to be on the board for a organized ride/event...don't wanna jinx it so i'm not gonna elaborate

-i haven't heard a word from lacy, guess she read the previous post (that was up for less than 5hrs) or she finally realized i was done waiting for her to find and stick to some time to spend with me, i sill just gotta laugh about cleaning over me.....priorities i guess....  guess i'm learning, too bad it's been a very slow and painful process.

can't really think of much else.....i will however make a little ode though:

ode to facebook:

screw facebook....sorry zucherburg but i'm interested in living life with friends and family not sitting in a closet reading about what everyone else is doing.....here's a suggestion: get off the couch and go do something...if you want company call me i'll join you on adventures....oh and if i haven't responded to messages, requests.....whatever else, well i login into my account rarely at best, i just don't care....if you wanna be my friend (it's not hard) pick up the phone, stop by...  if you want to talk, do it via a way other than facebook....one of my friends (and i'm going to make the distinction here, someone that i talk to on a regular basis) said wow you have lots of friends on facebook...my reply, well it's not a popularity contest....remember i'm hangin with you, not sitting in front of my computer....or cleaning or.....hahaha sorry couldn't pass that one up..

anyway here's a couple pics someone snapped of me:

this was halloween weekend at wheeler farm

this was weber county fairgrounds, post race, after the barriers were moved further apart to make hopping them plausible, so i had to try it...

thanks pete o'brien for allowing me to steal and post pics you took

squeeze

recently i've found something i once lost.....do i or did i deserve to once again find this wonderful thing?  i think so as i think chance happens and well i've had some bad so i certainly hope it's time for some good.

i raced cross this morning, i have been on the fence about racing in general for this entire season, i guess not having a lot of training can do that to you, or having a lot on your mind, studying, working, you get the idea..  i was a little nervous as i didn't have any idea of how i would fair....happily i won, and i won by a lot.  mark was with me for the first couple laps and i had my concerns, then he was gone....found out later on he flatted.  i hope he has better luck tomorrow, i love to win but i also like competition (on the bike at least).  i recorded the first 25min of my race on this slick little contour roam i picked up....it's super bumpy as it was attached to the stem...gonna try other mounting options in the future, interesting to see the race from that perspective though.

now back to the title and the first bit of this post(and the more important part):
comes from a line in one of my favorite movies "was the juice worth the squeeze?"  if i said what movie it would only show that much more what a cornball i am so i'm gonna leave that to those who have watched before and i'm sure remember.  as for the question posed it's a little unknown right now (and that may just be me being cautious, can you blame me?), but i have high hopes that YES the juice will be worth the squeeze, and throwing my feelings and thoughts out there without knowing the outcome *yes cryptic, only meant for one person to know the meaning.  i guess all i can say is i took a chance, and i think that lead to another taking a chance as well.  just in case you can't tell i'm excited about the possibilities this opened up and hope the path to a bright happy future is in store.

anyway, i gotta pull it together, get some good sleep with lots of happy thoughts.....and decide if i'm gonna race again tomorrow....nothing like starting off the season with a doublecross weekend......

dearest unknown

last night i was awoken out of a dead sleep by my phone ringing, yes it is a common that i have it set to silent whilst sleeping but since my lack of popularity it's fallen out of being a habit....  the time was just about 12:30am and my phone starts ringing...i wake up from a dead sleep to an "unknown" on my phone.  so i just want to say thanks to whoever too the time in the middle of their night to wake my sorry insomnia stricken rear end up...i hope with all of my heart that it made your night.....and if you really wanna talk to me in the middle of the night, leave a freakin message or don't block your number before you call me.....another suggestion would be call during normal daylight hours so we could talk and i could hold up my end of the convo and contribute at least a little...

ok enough of the rant, but just in case you didn't don't freakin call me in the middle of the night, in fact don't freakin call me if your number shows up as unknown or blocked..

as for the rest of what's going on.....well i'd be lying if i said it wasn't the usual roller coaster ride that is my life....tried to race tonight, course was a little different, shorter and turnier...hung in till i gave up on the last lap, i just don't have it and that's proof that not being on my bike doesn't help me be a good racer....however i will say that i still handle my bike better than most of those jerk offs combined.

what else, well, i've been killing it in the yard (i'll post pics for you later sean)....the back patio is done, no more pavers.....just need to clean it off the rest of the way: i.e. find a place for my grandma's old table and the boxes that are on top of it...excited....so much more organized behind the garage and such a nice place to just hang out......

hmmmm.....i don't mean to be a downer...but i'm so sick of work....i'm leaving it at that....

on of my kids isn't doing so well...princess is in a bunch of pain and is antisocial, limping....not eating all that well....i'm so sad and i blame myself for it...right now i don't know what i'd do if this kid doesn't pull through, she and i have been through a lot together...

enough, time to shower and try to sleep....i'm sure the week will be nothing but exciting........

hmmm

well, blogging, along with just about everything else has fallen by the wayside...  oh well....such as life.

house is coming along, yard is looking good.  dogger is doing well, kids are all surviving...  i've been listening to a lot of music, shocking i know...but it brings me insight to stuff..  life's a roller-coaster, don't want it that way but that's the hand i've been dealt...that's all i have..

i word i rarely say

and the word is hate....  i hate some of the, well many of the possible outcomes that i have played through in my head about today...............with all my heart, soul, mind, body, everything i want things to go well today and of the scenarios i have walked through there are only 3 out of 50 that could go the way i'm hoping for..  if your out there and have some kind of secrete power that will help me out with this i would be greatly indebted to you...  if you don't have special powers please send positive thoughts my way....i know my grandma is already praying, i would bet my life that g and g are watching over me and hoping for the best.....

i know things happen for a reason, and am afraid that sometimes that reason is looked into too deeply....then friends influence contribute and who knows what else....all i can hope for is rational thought on an individual basis.    all i have to say is i'm scared to death

thanks for being there friends, i know i'll be leaning on you more no matter what happens.
fres
cb
ar
e & s b
j & e g
st
nk
at
ed
ad
jl
jw
sw
joe
bj h
there's prob more but i'm not capable of thinking of them right now...

tomorrow is a big ?

i have some, well a lot of, concerns.  i don't know how anything will shake out.  i'm scared to death....and i don't know what else to say......

going to try to go get some sleep, but i'm betting that's not in the cards....if you read this and want to call and chat feel free...

lets hope this is for the best

well one of my worst fears happened yesterday....that fear of having no control on an outcome that i feel so strongly about........sucks, but on cb's advice i'm keeping focused on the positive and going to do my dangdest to use all of my time to studying....have to keep focused, have to get this exam done and secure a job that will make me happy for the long haul....keep those priorities in check.....the house and yard will wait, friends will understand, my bicycle will still be there.....

priority list:
study for and take exam
survive
find rewarding position, hopefully in ut, but have to wait and see on that one
finish yard
finish odds and ends in house

i know there are some things i missed and other's i intentionally left out...just to say there are other things that are grand priorities for me as well, but ones that may be out of my hands for the time being.

on with yesterday:
helped with a fence...all of the wire mesh went up after we hung the 2x4's, it looks good....i'm a bit of a perfectionist so i would have liked it to look better but, it's up and it's functional.  i built the gate and installed, wish i would have had a hand with that task...one of the 4x4's was warped so that made hanging it a little tricky, had to shim the bottom hinge to get the gate level.  tested the entire system with the dogs, there was the immediate run to the wire fence, with a abrupt halt once it was realized that wasn't open space any longer.  so nice to see them play and use the yard they have...hope all that hard work puts a stop to their craziness and takes stress off their owner.   enjoyed some home made pizza after that, then home to meet fres.. did a quick tune on his bike, then chatted a bit..  also chatted on the phone with cb....  fres's b-day is coming up and he's throwing his on shin-dig....a group of us pitched in and are getting him a nice grill since he always hosts events...i know he likes to and he's got a great space to do so but....some people just don't give a rats behind and they take advantage...jerks...hopefully those jerks see what friends do for friends and learn from it..anyway enough with that digression....   after fres took off, showered, found a movie, woke up on the couch 2am, turned the movie off and right back to sleep...needed that after the previous nights lack of.

today: well it's not going to be that easy, but focus on the positive........do what i was asked, study, prep for market, fix sprinkler, mow lawn....hang with dogger, bbq later??  who knows....  STUDY!!!!!!  time to get back to it...

some pics from my camera

 some neat stuff i ended up with from grandpa's basement workshop

 how nice the front of the garden is looking, now if i can find the time to finish up those white pavers

 siding replaced....can't even tell it was ever messed up

 used to be concrete

 post hole 1

 both post holes, forgot to rotate...

 both post holes again, and what's supporting the trelace

 decided to put some rocks in front of the fence

 up close of the rocks, and some chicks and hens in front of them

rocks behind the lower sections of the planter boxes as well

swift changes......

well yesterday was a day that was probably to be expected but still one that i would have liked to not gone through.

how it shook out
woke up, fairly happy, made coffee, fed animals, put stuff in car...  unpacked all my race gear from the previous night's solstice crit..  studied, cleaned my bike (the bb/cranks aren't doing so well, there is 5mm play in them, pulled them and the bearings are fine so i'm a little concerned that my frame is done...sad)..  studied more, fixed up jared's ride...  studied more...those pediatric developmental stages are sure fun!!  so glad i'm not going into peds..  time came around to go race, so i did..  felt much better this week at dmv than last week..  i attacked early and got away for a lap, then sucked to mid pack (happy to say the pack was smaller this week)..recovered then went to the front and took another lap pull...sucked back, to the back...then someone else went hard and I was off...  didn't get lapped, which was nice but still was off and that sucks, slowly feeling stronger, will just take a few more weeks...sucks to not be as fit as you once were....i miss it but my priorities of passing the board exam and getting a real job in my field are in check.....  rode home fairly well...made steamed green beans, mac and cheese and crispy rice treats....as i was getting things going jared came by and picked up his bike....so nice to see his excitement for riding..i know i had that for a long time and i truly hope that after all the crapola in my daily deal has passed i find my back to that excitement.  while i was eating and finishing the marsh-mellow goodness i was trying to be the supportive voice on the other end of the phone while a sprinkler system timer was trying to be figured out...net end, going to take a look at it tomorrow....and prob help with more fence stuff... cleaned up my mess in the kitchen, got showered up and pretended to sleep......i really wanted to sleep but it just wasn't in the cards...watched all of tron legacy, again... anyway guess the roller coaster continues..

home

such a simple word that can and did give me such a great feeling last night.

yesterday:  got up super early to do a transport, was an easy one.  got home and ate some breakfast, cookies.  studied a bit, pediatric developmental stages, exciting stuff.  went and helped with a fence, and i'm happy to say it's 2-3 picket's away from done....prob gonna go help with the rest of that and start on the other fence this afternoon.  went and raced the solstice crit in draper, our team put it on so i volunteered before and after my race..  our race got cut short as there was a nasty crash.  think the guy got pinched between me and the cones as he was trying to move up as the group shifted across the road for a corner...we rubbed shoulders and bars then i heard a crash into a parked car...feel really bad but don't know what else could have shook out....crashes happen in racing, that's part of it.  we didn't get much warning that our race was ending other than "1 lap to go" so that made it kinda crappy but...that's how it goes.  after my race was done i was h2o guy taking water and stuff to the crew that was marshaling the course, was fun, then helped clean up cones and hay bails....  after i made sure there wasn't anything else that i could help with i rode "home"  so nice, i like "home" and the things that are usually waiting for me there  ;~)  and the feeling of home....anyway, yes cryptic but sometimes that's how it goes.