anger

and i do mean anger.....i can't remember the last time i have been this angry....and i need to do something to get it out of my head so i'm hoping that writing it down will help....

yesterday, wed, was a typical day, got up, did a couple things around the house, headed into work....now work, doesn't always make me happy esp with how much casey has been riding me the last week or so (go hump yourself, i get paid for what i do and that's that), so needless to say i was eager to get out and go race dmv.

get home, do some stuff to get ready to race and to hopefully clear my mind a little.

ride over to the designated meeting place, at 6:01 i head out on what looks like another solo mission to dmv, then hooch sees me and i have some company, carl also joins us on redwood road. the ride out was uneventful, we got there and i got registered and did some laps in the parking lot.

**dmv or dld: department of motor vehicles, drivers licence division: is part of the weekly crit series. dmv is held on wed evenings. the course is closed to traffic as it's in the dmv's driver training area. the course is a little tight and there is a nice little hill each that scares most away. i've developed a sick and twisted love for this course as i've really learned how to race it and do well on it so it has been fun for me.**

race: there were a couple of early attacks that didn't really amount to anything, just don't think the guys that go off have enough juice to stay away by themselves long enough to stick it, so they get reeled in. as the race goes i was kind of front to back, front to back....feeling last night at rmr a little bit i guess... finally i pull it together and start drilling it at the front and attacking from the front when i felt like it...seems like the group didn't want to let me go so i would sit up for a little bit then let them catch me, then repeat.

**it's interesting how racing effects me sometimes, i mean the group leaves me on the front lap after lap, no one even tries to pull through, and then they wonder why i cuss at them for attacking me, nice one bikers edge jackass.. sorry i don't mean to be the mean bitter asshole but usually the ones who attack are the ones who don't do any work at the front, let me tell you it's poor race ethics, you should change.**

back to racing, we get the "3 laps to go" and i'm still on the front drilling it. bell lap: come down the hill take the first right in front then all hell breaks loose, a couple guys pass me before we make turn 2(left) and some don't quite make it by....as a result i get pushed (yes actually pushed) into the weeds, ride into the ditch and am unbelievably angry as a result.....the person who pushed me into the ditch has been racing for quite a long time, knew i was there and dam well should not have made that move, it was inappropriate, asinine.......i could go on.... it could have been much worse than it was as it could have caused me and many others to go down at a high speed on the pavement, or into the ditch......it just shouldn't have happened... luckily i was able to ride through the ditch and get back on the course, my position in the group was shit, so i just drilled it as hard as i could to get up the road as far as i could...believe me when i say i was riding in sheer anger at this point, and it didn't help that bikers edge jerk was right in front me...

after the race, i didn't hang around, i grabbed my gear and got on the road. i knew that if i stayed around the outcome would not have been a good one, so i rode it out, in anger again, all the way home.....

got home, got cleaned up, tried to relax and it just wasn't happening. i checked my email and there was an apology:

Hey, sorry about giving you the lean in the corner. I thought I had enough speed to get by the spin guy... but he moved over so I moved over and that is not leave much room for you.

I am very sorry...total my fault.

I hope you are OK
yes it's an apology, but it still doesn't do justice to what went down, it doesn't make it right...i'm still pissed, way pissed...so pissed......

did some more stuff to try and wear myself down, put in watchmen, watched the entire 3+hr movie without even a sign of dosing off....shitty night of non-sleep, tossing and turning.....


*forgot to mention that at some point during the race some asshole from FFKR (pronounced fucker) spit all over me going down the hill, didn't even look first or try to spit down...

today, tonight, all of it were just not mine....in all what a shitty chain of events.